Scream

Are we allowed to be less than perky on these blogs? Are we allowed to rant and rave and scream and shout and kick the couch? Can we cry and pout and feel like we've been dissed? By everyone and everything and not be told to suck it up? Can we just have a good scream here and not feel like we're over-reacting? Because if we are then I'm doing it and I'm doing it right now. About everyone and everything in my life. Right now. Right this minute. This very second every single thing and person (except Patient Husband and Good Friend Sue who I had lunch with today) in my life is getting tantrum kicked. I want to go stand on the bluff and scream to the lake.
A few days ago (maybe weeks by now) I was reading Kate's blog from Foxs Lane.
She was sharing about a wool festival she went to. I do believe in things being put in front of your face that have a message for you, something is put there and if you are open to seeing it or hearing it and it's meant for you. An omen. A sign. Well, on this particular page about the wool festival, she showed a picture of a banner strung across a wall that said "It Will All Be OK" and it stopped my breath and made me instantly feel better. I commented to Kate that it was an omen and I thanked her for sharing that particular photo because it was there for me. And it settled me. For awhile. Till today.
But you know what? Everything is NOT ok. Not at all. The list is long. And I don't know how much longer this fake smile is going to last.
I stopped at a grocery store this afternoon, feeling like I feel now I wanted to punch some melons. I saw an elderly friend of mine and we talked. She shared her fears and frustration and a few tears about her husband who has Alzheimers and sometimes can be violent and she's scared - not for her own safety, but for what is coming. And the lack of help she's getting from her family. We talked a long time. And I couldn't and didn't tell her "It Will All Be OK" because she and I both know it won't be for her. Or him. Was she there today for perspective? The signal that "It could always be worse?" Am I sounding like 'it's all about me?' Or was I put there for her?
When you're like this it IS all about 'you' because there's nowhere for all of this angst to go but inside. Her doctor told her that her blood pressure is up. Well, duh. I think between the two of us today we could power some very large machine. Or punch some melons.